Monday, 23 September 2013

Excerpts From The Diary Of A Yahoo Boy.

If life is a lesson and experience is the teacher, then my experience in life's school of thought and survival instincts should guarantee me a passport to the fast lane and the good living, haven learnt from the best teacher, i should be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with other alumni's from the University of life in the department of Street and Hustle because i'v been there and i'v seen but it's so pathetic that I'm yet to conquer, I'm yet to gain my bearing or rightly navigate my course to its shore in this game of the fittest gladiators in the arena of survival. Just give me a reason not to be frustrated and i will give you a hundred reasons why i should go any length to show the world that I'm a good student of Life 101, Experience 203, Instinct 302 and above all Survival 419.
I write this diary to remind people of the things many Nigerian young youth are doing, not just me. We are all prone to this as Nigeria is getting tougher, our Government complains there is not enough money but they keep looting billions and sending oversee. No job, no money, at the age of 35yrs, what do I do? I finished from Uniben in the 2nd class division in the Department of Engineering and hail from Edo State and also a regular guy just like any other guy out there on the Streetz of Naija.
After I finished from the university, I had no job for 6yrs, I even applied as a primary school teacher with a meagre take home pay of NGN8,500 monthly, not enough for my tee fare left alone feeding, frustration became me. In my frustration, I left the job and decided to work  in a cafe. While working in the cafe, I gained lots of experience on how to use the internet but that actually was the beginning of my glory or do I say doom.
In the cafe, I meant Slim, a big time yahoo boy who owns many cars and spends cash as though he never lacks. I approached him and he laughed, with a smile he said to me, do you want to make money and i said yes, he later asked me to join him on a trip to Lagos later that year so we could work together. I was happy that favor has finally found me, and now I have a job and this time a job that would fetch me millions of cash and all my problems of money would be gone forever. I traveled with him to Lagos so we could work together, when I got there, he gave me a Laptop, Modem and he taught me how to extract mails with the Google email extractor 4.0 and how to send them to lots of people abroad, when I asked; what for?, he replied; just keep working. So I started harvesting email ready to move to the next phase.
After I finished with the mails, he called me to a meeting, in the meeting, he said I would act as one captain or a sailor, and that I would start using Skype Messenger to trick white women into believing I am a sailor and that they would pay handsomely for the bait. I accepted and started the work, my first encounter was with Cindy who fell in love with me the first time we talked on Skype, but she did not really know me as the Skype camera I was using was faked, after months, I billed her but she refused to pay my billing, I told her our ship got wrecked close to Nigeria and I needed money to get back to the US and would pay her back. After so many failed attempts, I approached my boss who then told me the real secret behind his success and that of so many other big time yahoo boys.
He said I needed to clean out setbacks from my life by going to see a goddess in Lagos who goes by the name Madam Virginia, a fair woman with long hair. When I met Virginia, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and true to his (Slim) word she is a goddess to behold, my friend introduced me to her and she called me to discuss with her in her room. While in the room, she told me all I needed to make money was to enter into a blood convenant by sharing blood in a calabash, she said we needed to do that so she would feel protected and that after that I must be ready to sleep with her whenever she demands for sex and that was all.          With goose pimple all over my body, I could not utter a word and all I could manage to say was that i would think about it, with her aura all over me i could barely resist when she kissed me and as soon as she did that I passed out and woke up in my friends place. 10 minutes later from that time I got a phone call from a friend in South Africa telling me about his successful time in SA and promised to send me $500 which he eventually did.
Later, Cindy from US called me again after several months asking if I still needed the money I asked her which she later sent $10, 000 through Western Union Money Transfer and professed her love to me, promising to buy me properties in Abuja and Lekki. I was astounded because I knew for sure how this money came about but because I never gave my consent, I was afraid to spend the money. The only thing on my mind was what is going on in my life. While all this was going down, Virginia asked for me and i went to her majorly to satisfy my nagging curiosity. She asked me if I had met success and I said yes but the big question on my mind is how?, she said it is because of the kiss and that once I made love to her, I would find even greater treasure and poverty will become history in my life.
I thought to myself how this kind of money could change my life and how it was capable of upgrading my low social status, how i will be able to make and get enough money to spend in the clubs with the queens of the night buzzing around me like bees on a honey comb, how it will make the club MC's and D.J's sing my praise and also guarantee my bragging rights on the Streetz as the man of the moment. With all this thoughts running through my reasoning faculty, i gradually began to loose every evidence of doubt and fear factor in me about the implications or negativity of what i was about to do, i began to give in to my better half that was in full support of my motive, I will do it i said to myself but little did i know that what comes after six is beyond seven and that not all that glitters is gold but i don't even care to know, i just want to be rich and be able to live the good life like so many other hustlers and Street products like me or why should my case be different when even small boys who hail and regard me as a Street big brother are cruising exotic rides and traveling to Malaysia, South Africa and Dubai as if they are taking a trip to Ibadan or Abeokuta, omo nothing can stop me and nothing will stop, i must be the next to be continued.
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